Bitcoin Plummets After Trump Forgets Xi's Favorite Emoji

The esteemed Bitcoin market, along with its digital brethren like Ethereum, reportedly entered a dramatic nosedive this week, not due to global economic indicators or even a particularly aggressive tweet, but following an unforgivable lapse in presidential memory. It appears the delicate fabric of global trade, once thought to be woven from tariffs and treaties, now hinges precariously on a potentate’s recall of his counterpart’s preferred ideogram.

Sources close to the negotiations, by which we mean a particularly agitated Reddit thread, suggest that President Trump, in a moment of diplomatic bonhomie, utterly failed to deploy President Xi Jinping's beloved 'smiling pile of poop' emoji during a crucial communication. The oversight, a veritable digital snub of the highest order, sent shockwaves through the algorithmically-driven ether, causing digital currencies to shed billions faster than you can say "decentralized ledger." Clearly, the market values robust emoji etiquette above mere trade agreements.