Apple Confirms iPhone Scratches Are Ghosts Of Old Display Stands

Apple, in a move that can only be described as profoundly circular, has offered a groundbreaking explanation for the unsightly blemishes marring its latest pocket status symbol. It appears the highly anticipated iPhone 17, with its meticulously crafted everything, is not suffering from manufacturing imperfections or the rigors of modern life, but rather from the ethereal remnants of its retail display stands.

Yes, those 'scratches' on your four-figure device are merely the lingering spectral dust motes, the microscopic *memories* of where your phone once rested, pristine and untouched. One must commend Apple's dedication to innovation; who knew they could engineer a device so sensitive it permanently records the faint impression of its own packaging? It truly redefines 'user experience' when even the showroom floor leaves its indelible mark on your cutting-edge technology. It's not a flaw, it's a feature—a unique, non-refundable patina of existential retail history.