Americans Realize They Already Own A Toaster

Americans, in a stunning display of domestic archaeology, have reportedly begun unearthing functional appliances from the deepest recesses of their kitchens. The once-unthinkable act of simply *using* an item already owned, rather than purchasing a newer, shinier iteration, has swept the nation. Sources close to… well, everyone… indicate a widespread realization that one's current toaster still, astonishingly, toasts bread. This profound epiphany follows whispers of a banking crisis prompting consumers to tighten purse strings – a quaint, forgotten art.

This sudden, almost violent introspection into personal inventories comes as a rude awakening for an economy built on the premise that last year's perfectly good gadget is, by definition, an insult to progress. Faced with the daunting specter of a potential recession, citizens are apparently reconsidering their previous financial commitment to the concept of "just in case it goes on sale."

One might almost suspect this newfound frugality isn't a moral awakening, but a cynical economic response to years of unchecked consumerism. Still, the sight of a functional bread-browning device is, for now, enough to postpone the inevitable retail therapy session. Perhaps for a month.