Air Freight Now Legally Mandated For Optimal Coffee Breaks

It seems the quaint notion of air freight as a mere emergency measure, reserved for urgent organ transplants or the capricious whims of the super-rich, has finally been jettisoned. We are now, apparently, in an enlightened era where the humming of jet engines is less a sign of impending crisis and more the sweet lullaby of societal function. Indeed, one might argue that the very fabric of human interaction, from geopolitical negotiations to the delicate art of the espresso, hinges upon the swift passage of goods through our ever-expanding aerial arteries.

The shift is palpable: no longer can one simply enjoy a cup of joe from the local market, not when peak performance demands beans harvested a mere twelve hours prior from an impossibly remote Ethiopian plateau, then expedited via multiple jumbo jets. Anything less would surely compromise the critical brainwave synergy required for, say, optimising one's afternoon PowerPoint presentation. This isn't luxury; it's a fundamental pillar of modern productivity, ensuring every single caffeine molecule arrives vibrating with optimal freshness, thereby preventing untold economic collapse.