5 Banks Offer Crypto: #3 Is A Cardboard Box With A Slot

The esteemed pillars of traditional finance, those institutions that once regarded cryptocurrency with the disdain usually reserved for a forgotten sandwich in the breakroom fridge, have apparently had a change of heart. Or perhaps, a change of balance sheet. Suddenly, the digital frontier is less a lawless wasteland and more a fertile ground for "innovative" new services.

Indeed, a slew of U.S. financial entities are now rolling out the red carpet for your Bitcoin, offering secure, audited, and entirely transparent avenues for your digital assets. One such pioneer, known only as "The Gilded Piggy Bank Co-op," reportedly operates from a repurposed grocery delivery box with a hand-drawn slot for your literal paper wallet. Customers are assured their investments are "secured" by a sturdy padlock purchased from a discount hardware store.

Utilizing platforms such as Bakkt's conveniently named Crypto Connect, these smaller, nimbler institutions demonstrate a commitment to embracing the future, or at least, the lucrative fee structure associated with it. It seems the future of finance is less about cutting-edge blockchain technology and more about cutting corners on physical infrastructure, all while reassuring you that your volatile digital fortune is absolutely, positively, entirely safe from everything but common sense.