40% Of Cyber Budget Goes To Software That Still Buffers

The esteemed cybersecurity sector has proudly announced that a staggering 40% of its increasingly generous budgets are now dedicated to software. This allocation, apparently, is a sign of progress, not an admission that previous allocations were, shall we say, less than optimal. One might assume such a significant investment would yield bulletproof digital fortifications, rather than the same perpetually spinning loading icons that plague our digital lives. But fear not, the wheels of technological advancement, much like that buffering video of a cat, are slowly turning.

CISOs are now reportedly prioritizing "real-time Artificial Intelligence defenses," a phrase that, when uttered slowly, truly captures the spirit of cutting-edge innovation. This noble pursuit promises to detect threats executing in milliseconds, presumably after the security suite has had a good long think about whether to update its definitions, or perhaps just display another pop-up asking for permission to do something. The future of digital defense, it seems, is less about prevention and more about politely asking the ransomware to wait a moment while the neural network recalibrates.